Dear Lizzy
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Elizabeth Franklin's LiveJournal:
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| Friday, December 22nd, 2006 | | 4:06 am |
How to write a decent profile for a dating website This was written specifically for OKCupid.com. Some references are made to OKCupid-specific features. ( Read more... )*Unless you're gay. In this case, don't have a picture of yourself and someone of the same gender unless it's clearly labeled.
Hope this helps. Happy hunting!
Remember, if you like ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) dear_lizzy, advertise it in your own journals. I do not friend anyone back, the list of folks who has friended me is hidden, and I do not read the journals of anyone else from this userID.
If you'd like to ask a question, just respond to the most recent entry - that would be the one at the top of the list. I'll get back to answering questions rather than writing articles one of these days, honest! | | Thursday, December 7th, 2006 | | 9:36 pm |
| | Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 | | 11:02 pm |
How to Get Laid: A Field Guide for Men This is a reprint of an article I wrote for my personal blog. I've made a few small changes and updates from its last appearance. Ladies, feel free to weigh in. Tell me if you would like me to unscreen your comments. ( How to Get Laid... )Remember, if you like dear_lizzy, advertise it in your own journals. I do not friend anyone back, the list of folks who has friended me is hidden, and I do not read the journals of anyone else from this userID. If you'd like to ask a question, just respond to the most recent entry - that would be the one at the top of the list. | | Tuesday, May 16th, 2006 | | 10:15 pm |
Brief post, in lieu of actually having letters to answer....
Since I've no questions for this week, I thought I would dwell on Lovelorn's letter of last week. It was pointed out to me (by people not the author of the letter) that I was making certain assumptions about the nature of the relationship. Instead, I ask lovelorn some questions.
1) Is it sexual? If so, her husband definitely has a right to know that she is potentially compromising his health.
2) Is her husband abusive? If so, she may have good reasons for keeping silent. However, you still can't help her until she's ready to help herself.
3) Are there children involved? Let her decide what is best for her and her children, if they exist.
4) How long have you known this woman? Have you seen her cycle through other relationships, even "just" friendships? How she treats her friends, from start to end of a relationship, is a good indicator of how she'll treat you.
I'm still inclined to believe that she is looking for attention and drama; however, you know better than I the particular details of her life. However, pay attention to how she treats those around her, and their relative "status" in her life. People do not change at a moment's notice, and her behavior towards others is a good indicator of how she will behave towards you over time. | | Tuesday, May 9th, 2006 | | 10:21 pm |
Bugged and Lovelorn Dear Lizzy, I have a house plant with aphids. This particular plant is an herb which I plan to eat, so I want to be careful what I do to it. Do you know some good non-toxic treatments for aphids? Bugged ( Hose it down, boys, hose it down... )Dear Lizzy, I am in love with a married woman. I am very close friends with her, and she loves me too. She has been considering leaving her husband for me for several month at least. Her husband is very jealous, and if he even though that she was still speaking to me, he might leave her/kick her out on the spot. (He has actually delievered such an ultimatum; she is never to call me again). I'm certain that she is in the wrong place and the wrong relationship. I could make her happy. But I won't do anything deliberately to end their relationship - I'm not going to out her to her husband, or anything that would make the choice for her. If she were free, I'd marry her and spend the rest of my life with her in an instant, no second thoughts. How can I convince her that she wants to leave him? Lovelorn ( Reconsider whether she's really worth wanting, laddie ) | | Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006 | | 7:58 am |
Seeking Strength Sorry for the delay in posting - LJ went down sometime in the half hour between when I collected the letter and when I finished my answer. And on to the letter.... Dear Lizzy, I love my man. Adore him. Spending the rest of my life with him. But... his insecurity is driving me bonkers. In his 20s, he lived with a woman (for several years) who used him to get back at her not-quite-ex-husband, and my man didn't realize it until she kicked him out changed the locks. Now that he's in his 30s, he's wiser and more experienced in the wily ways of crazy women, but he's still scarred. This manifests as a constant need for attention so he can reassure himself that I'm not going to do what the other woman did. I understand the cause, but the effect is feeling less like "are you sure you love me?" and more like "honey, look at this... honey, look at this... why aren't you looking?", especially when I'm in the middle of a complicated project. It can be like living with a five-year-old sometimes. I'm sure the insecurity will lessen and/or disappear eventually, but in the meantime, how can I react to it without pushing him away? Seeking Strength ( Work on your boundaries, and have him work on developing a sense of self-worth )If you'd like to ask a question, post a reply to my most recent column (the one at the TOP of the list, not the bottom). All comments are screened. Anonymous posts are also accepted. If you enjoy reading dear_lizzy, please make sure to promote it in your own journal. Thanks! | | Tuesday, April 25th, 2006 | | 9:18 pm |
Speechless Dear Lizzy, I am an intelligent, fun person with many hobbies and interests. You would think I know lots of people, right? Wrong. I seem to be entirely unable to hold a conversation with a stranger. I have some friends, and I can talk to them, but I have no idea what I said in those early conversations, how I got to know them in the first place. When I talk to a stranger, I feel incredibly ponderous, intruding and, well, boring. Help! How do I get to know new people? Speechless ( Here are some basic conversational tips )If you'd like to ask a question, post a reply to my most recent column (the one at the TOP of the list, not the bottom). All comments are screened. Anonymous posts are also accepted. If you enjoy reading dear_lizzy, please make sure to promote it in your own journal. Thanks! | | Wednesday, April 19th, 2006 | | 7:12 am |
Cold Sores Follow-Up
Dear Lizzy,
This is way too late to be useful, but there are also sores that aren't from herpes. I get stress-related cold sores in my mouth and lips, especially if I haven't had enough sleep. This is actually quite a frequent occurence for me after cons.
(I know they aren't herpes because I had them tested when I went through a period of constantly having 6-8 sores in my mouth for weeks; in a way it's a shame, as herpes-related sores respond to antibiotics. *Grin*)
Not Always Herpes
Dear Not Always,
Thank you for that information! I'll make sure to post it next week. Actually, by next week I'll have forgotten. I'll post it now. Thanks! | | Tuesday, April 18th, 2006 | | 10:35 pm |
Dear Lizzy, I've been trying to get a new job, but I have a couple of problems. The first is that my last several jobs ended badly because I lost my temper and got in arguments with management. On applications, you have to say why you ended previous jobs. What do I say? The second is that when I read the job descriptions, the list of duties scares me. I don't know if I can do all that! Help! Overwhelmed ( Use the resources available to you )Keep those questions coming.... To ask a question, post a reply to my most recent post. Remember the most recent post is the one at the top. | | Tuesday, April 4th, 2006 | | 8:01 pm |
Abandoned and Responses to Evil Tease Dear Lizzy, Last year, I watched two people who I thought cared for me latch onto each other with forces akin to an Asimov novel. They did this for mutual support as they each underwent a great deal of stress preparing for important events in their lives. I was involved in both events in some minor way, but in the process, I felt completely removed from either social circle. It also didn't help that work has kept me isolated with long and late hours. Now, their activities have centered around each other, and I no longer feel as though I know them. I have my own, very stressful event fast approaching at the end of the summer, and I am in a bind. I feel that they find me unnecessary and excluded me from even the most mundane activity. For example: they mentioned at a large gathering the interest to get ice cream. I asked if I could go with them and I was told "Oh, this is something we do," as though I was no longer a member of the popular clique. Should I continue to be friends, or should I no longer seek their advice and company? -Abandoned ( It's time to have a talk with your friends - separately, if possible. )Two weeks ago, I had a letter from Evil Tease, asking about the propriety of flirting with two guys at once, when she didn't know whether she was actually interested in either. I asked the men for feedback. Below are the responses. ( Read more... )So, that's it. Thank you to the guys who responded! If you'd like to ask a question, just post it as a reply to the most recent column. All replies are screened. You may post anonymously if you wish. Also, if you enjoy reading Dear Lizzy, please promote it in your own journals! The more people read, the more likely I am to have questions to answer each week. Thanks for reading! | | Thursday, March 30th, 2006 | | 7:05 pm |
New post There's a new Dear Lizzy post, back dated to Tuesday. This means it won't show up in your friends lists. However, you can find it here: http://dear-lizzy.livejournal.com/3470.htmlAlso, please remember to post your questions to the MOST RECENT post. It's a lot easier for me to find them when I go to write the answers. Thanks! | | Tuesday, March 28th, 2006 | | 10:36 pm |
Confuzzled and Invaded Okay, granted I'm really not that old to even consider myself as one lacking experience or what have you, but recently, I've realized I'm not like girls my age. I turned 18 a while ago, and I find it kinda depressing that little girls young as (gag) 10-11 are having/getting dates on an easy whim. Is there something wrong with me? And I'm working on the whole getting a car problem (I take the city bus everywhere), but I mostly spend my time either studying or in training. Is there any advice you could give me in "seeking" guys without downgrading myself to horrible online personal ads? Thanks! Confuzzled ( Go to events that interest you, and keep your eyes open. )Dear Lizzy, My partner and I moved into a new house last November, and are recently having some neighbor trouble. They have several children who run rampant through our yard and garden, now that it's spring. They play ball across our yard, and rip through my roses getting the ball, for instance. They have a nice big backyard, and no real reason to be tearing up our flower beds. Yesterday my partner caught one of the boys kicking my plants to smithereens. I think we need to go talk to the kids' parents, before things get any worse. The children are probably aged 5-9. There are several of them. My partner says if we go to the parents, we'll wind up with hostile neighbors because no one likes having their parenting style criticised. I don't want to call into question their parenting, I just want their kids to stop tearing up the landscaping I'm putting so much work into. Can you give us a few other ideas on how to handle this? I'm very new to it. Thanks so much. Invaded by Huns ( Strike up a conversation, then mention that you've had problems with kids damaging plants. Let them draw their own conclusions. ) | | Tuesday, March 21st, 2006 | | 10:14 pm |
Evil Tease Dear Lizzy, Over the weekend, I went to a concert with the express intention of flirting with, and possibly shagging, one of the musicians. I did, in fact, flirt with him, but was sorry to see that instead of the gorgeous man with good posture that I remembered, he had since adopted a "scruffy" look, had taken to hunching over, and actually appeared malnourished. He was extremely sweet, and fun to talk to, but partway through the evening I realized that one of his bandmates had a really nice face, and was also fun to talk to. So my question is this: just how fickle and unkind am I being? Is it in bad taste/horribly immoral to flirt with two guys at once, especially when they're friends with each other? For that matter, is it ok to flirt with strange men when I'm unsure of my intentions towards them? Am I unfairly leading them on? Evil Tease ( Nah, as long as chatting them up is all you're doing, you're fine. )As a woman, I could be out of touch with the guy's perspective. So, guys, what think you? I'll post a selection of answers next week. Incidentally - are you enjoying reading dear_lizzy? If so, please promote it in your journal. I need more questions to keep the column going. Thanks! | | Wednesday, March 15th, 2006 | | 9:01 am |
Busy? Me? Nah...
Y'know what's scary? It took me until this morning to realize that I posted this week's article a day early. | | Monday, March 13th, 2006 | | 10:56 pm |
Yawn and Cynical Romantic Dear Lizzy, I am not a morning person. When I walk in to work from the parking lot in the morning (which takes 5-10 minutes), I'm still waking up. I'm grumpy and tired and I don't feel social yet. I want to have a last minute of quiet time to clear my head before I start the day. So what do I do when a co-worker sees me walking in at the same time and wants to chat? Once someone says "Hi" to me, I don't know how to get rid of them. Signed, Yawn ( Don't make eye contact for more than a second. )Dear Lizzy, A while ago, I spent a few years dating a guy who was really bad for me. In the course of the relationship, I lost confidence in my judgement, my self-worth, and even my memory. The thing is, I didn't realize until after we broke up how bad it had been for me. It wasn't until six months later, when I noticed how much better I felt about myself and my life and, really, the whole world, that it occured to me to question whether I should have been dating him. I've put a lot of thought into why I made the choices I did, and I don't really think I would pick the same kind of guy again, but I still feel like the only way to be sure I don't get hurt is to keep the men I date at arm's length. This leaves me feeling vaguely unsatisfied, as well as being a disservice to guys who are probably actually quite nice. Do you have any advice on how to regain my faith in men, and in my own judgement about men? A Cynical Romantic ( ...you're asking *me*? ....here, let me throw this spaghetti at the wall to see if it sticks...(two suggestions) )Last but not least, some advice for St. Patrick's Day: - Don't drink the green beer. Buy the good stuff.
- Do not, do not, a thousand times do NOT request "Oh Danny Boy".
- Never leave the t-shirt you wore to the bar on the table. I lost one of my favorite shirts that way.
- Don't agree to dance on camera unless they cordon off the area to keep out the drunks who want to wave hi to mom.
- Don't expect a good concert experience, even if the band is really, really good. The sound mix will be off and the stench overwhelming. However, it mightn't be a bad time to hit on a cute musician.
- Ask whether he's ever had cold sores before kissing him, for pity's sake.
- Last but not least....have fun, and be safe!
| | Tuesday, March 7th, 2006 | | 9:27 pm |
Column placeholder
This is not really a column. If this were a real column, there would be questions, or at least an article in place of questions. Stay tuned next week, for fun with St. Patrick's Day advice.
In the meantime, ask more questions! | | Tuesday, February 28th, 2006 | | 8:24 pm |
What I've learned thus far This week's column is a bit different than normal. Instead of answering questions, I'm presenting bits of wisdom that I've learned the hard way. You will apply none of this advice to your own life until you have already gone through the situation and worked it out for yourself. With luck, however, this will help you work it out more quickly, or give you affirmation that your conclusion was correct. ( What I've Learned Thus Far ) | | Tuesday, February 21st, 2006 | | 7:30 pm |
Lonely and Tired Dear Lizzie, There's a man I've met. I find him attractive and charming, and the feeling seems to be mutual. I won't call it love at first sight, but we definitely connected instantly. We live in different states, and see each other only infrequently at conventions. He would like to pursue a relationship with me, and I with him. So, what's the problem? The woman he has been living with has recently developed some potentially devastating health issues. He has pretty much decided not to move out now, because he doesn't want to abandon her. I absolutely respect his decision, but I'm not happy. I know I'm not suited to the poly lifestyle and as much as I like him, I don't see the point in getting more involved now. I don't even feel as if I can just spend time with him -- the attraction is so powerful, I feel like my poor heart is at risk whenever he's near. What to do? Or have I already answered my own question? signed, Lonesome ( Give it time, but keep looking. )Dear Lizzy As a mother of an active but not-yet-mobile baby, I'm finding it very difficult to find time to exercise. I do walk with the baby in a carrier, but weather and scheduling are making that more difficult to fit into my day. Worse, when the baby is content to sit in his exersaucer and watch me exercise, I'm finding that aerobics and the like tire me out *much* faster than they used to, and I have difficulty keeping up with my videos. I know that I've gained weight and lost muscle mass. Help! Flabby Mommy ( Sneak in small bits of exercise wherever you can, and don't beat up on yourself. ) | | Tuesday, February 14th, 2006 | | 9:32 pm |
Tangled Tail and Shy Dear Lizzy, I'm trying to grow my hair out, but it's extremely fine and feels disgustingly greasy if I don't wash it every day. I use conditioner, but it still gets tangled and breaks a lot, and it seems like an awful lot just falls out every day. What do you recommend for encouraging hair to grow out well, and what do you do to keep it under control? Tangled Tail ( Treat it well, take it to dinner, make it feel loved... )Dear Lizzy, Recently I've started going to more sci-fi conventions. At some of them, particularly out-of-town, I don't know very many people. I'd like to get to know new people and make friends at these conventions, but I'm painfully shy and I don't know where to start. It seems incredibly rude to simply intrude on someone's conversation in the con suite, and attempting this usually gets me a cold shoulder, so I'm even more reluctant. There's nothing more lonely than being all alone in a crowd, but it keeps happening to me, and it's detracting from the convention experience. What do I do? Shy ( Make yourself visible, helpful, friendly-looking, and cool. What, is that all? )And, on a side note.... LJ's spelling suggestions for craftwork: craft work, craft-work, groundwork, gravedigger. Wow.... | | Tuesday, February 7th, 2006 | | 7:30 pm |
Spotty and Sleepless Dear Lizzy, I have a dreadful breakout of acne that I can't seem to get rid of. I get it now and then, but a breakout of this magnitude is kind of unusual for my skin. Nothing seems to help-- moisturizing, washing regularly, acne cleansing soaps... I am considering seeing a dermatologist but I kind of want to avoid ending up taking prescriptions or using anything harshly chemical. What products, methods etc. would you (and/or your readers) recommend? Spotty ( Pills aren't the first step, and here are some ideas... )Dear Lizzy, How do I make myself go to sleep when I'm tired but not sleepy, and I know that I have to be up early in the morning? I stopped drinking caffeine entirely because of insomnia issues, and by the time I realize that I can't fall asleep, it's too late to take melatonin or Benadryl and still be able to wake up in the morning. Help! Too Tired to Think Up a Clever Name ( Time for a lifestyle change ) |
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