Tangled Tail and Shy
Dear Lizzy,

I'm trying to grow my hair out, but it's extremely fine and feels disgustingly greasy if I don't wash it every day. I use conditioner, but it still gets tangled and breaks a lot, and it seems like an awful lot just falls out every day. What do you recommend for encouraging hair to grow out well, and what do you do to keep it under control?

Tangled Tail

Dear Tangled,

First off, hair will be disgustingly greasy if you wash it every day, and then stop doing so. Washing it every day forces the scalp to work really hard to maintain the right amount of oil on the hair - it also makes the hair ends more brittle. The solution? It's to have really disgusting hair for 2-4 weeks, I'm afraid, (and sometimes more) as your hair re-adjusts to less-frequent washing.

I wash my hair once a week - twice, if I step up the amount of exercise I'm doing, or if the weather becomes significantly warmer and I'm sweating more.

Hair does fall out at an alarming-looking rate - I can kill vacuum cleaners with what falls out of my head in a single day, I think. A week, definitely. Also, hair goes in cycles - approximately every 4-5 years, more hair than normal does fall out for a period of about a year, and new hair starts growing. Also, stress will make one more inclined to lose hair.

I will be honest: some parts of having good hair are simple genetics. However, there are some things you can do to allow your hair to live up to its full potential.

• Eat lots of green, leafy veggies - daily!
  
• Take a daily vitamin pill.
  
• Exercise regularly. It increases the circulation to the scalp, promoting hair growth.
  
• Give yourself (or have someone give you) a daily scalp massage. Again, it improves circulation.
  
• Reduce your stress levels - ditto.
  
• Wash your hair only once a week.
  
• Don't use a hair dryer or curling iron.
  
• Don't brush your hair whilst it's wet.
  
• Use good-quality hair bands in your hair - fabric and leather preferably, rather than rubber. Try styles that allow you to put the band towards the bottom of your hair rather than in the middle of the hair. The more friction the hair gets, the more likely it is to be damaged.
  
• Use a natural boar-bristle brush. (This I've heard recommended; personally, I use only a comb.)

As to keeping hair under control - there's a reason I got good at braiding. It's fast, it's easy, it keeps it from getting caught in car doors and chairs, and it's less damaging to the hair than wearing a pony tail holder high up on the hair. Good luck!

Dear Lizzy,

Recently I've started going to more sci-fi conventions. At some of them, particularly out-of-town, I don't know very many people. I'd like to get to know new people and make friends at these conventions, but I'm painfully shy and I don't know where to start. It seems incredibly rude to simply intrude on someone's conversation in the con suite, and attempting this usually gets me a cold shoulder, so I'm even more reluctant. There's nothing more lonely than being all alone in a crowd, but it keeps happening to me, and it's detracting from the convention experience. What do I do?

Shy

Dear Shy:

The short answer? Make yourself visible, helpful, friendly-looking, and cool.

Now, how do you do that?

• Attend events that you're interested in, especially ones that encourage audience participation and interaction.
  
• Volunteer to help out, especially at things like the registration desk and con suite. The concom will love you, and you'll get to interact with people in a steady but not overwhelming dose. Make small talk - "Did you have to travel far to get to the convention? How was your trip? How are you enjoying the convention? Seen any particularly good panels?"
  
• Look people in the eyes and smile at them.
  
• Work on hand crafts in the con suite or a convenient portion of a hallway that is busy enough that people see you, but with enough space for them to stop and admire your work. Really, the con suite is a better place. Make sure the handcraft is visually interesting, but one that doesn't take all of your attention to work on. You will look fascinating; people will come to you. I've even had this work whilst writing in a paper journal in the con suite. (I actually really wanted to finish what I was writing about, but I put it aside and enjoyed the conversation instead).
  
• Listen to conversations in the con suite. Make eye contact and smile. If conversations are general, or the participants seem like they're just getting to know each other anyway, join in. If they're intent on something, really into each other in particular, or are shy themselves, that may engender the cold shoulder reaction you describe - you've just surprised and thrown them a bit.
  
• Do research before hand - Google the convention, see if you can find blogs that talk about people planning to go. If any of them seem like interesting people, email/post a reply to their entry, telling them that you'll be a stranger to the convention, and shy, and what things are particularly fun to do? Chat with them, and if they continue to seem like interesting people, make arrangements to meet them.
  
• Look like you're having fun at whatever you are doing. People who are having fun are people that other people want to have fun with.
  
• When talking, ask open-ended questions, and *listen* to the replies. Don't ask questions that can be answered with one word, but also don't ask questions that require lengthy and detailed replies. Be interested in what the other person has to tell you.
  
• Seek out other people who aren't having conversations, and strike one up. Sometimes it's the book reader in the corner who would love to talk but is trying to look like they don't mind that they don't have anyone to talk to either. If they really don't want to be talked to, they'll tell you, and that's fine.
  
• Take advantage of autograph lines. Ask people on either side of you about themselves, about what they're getting signed, about when/how they got into fandom (in general or for this particular person whose autograph they want).
  
• Try to find out some neat thing about each person you talk to. Everyone has something special about them - see if you can find out what it is. It may even be that they make you reconsider your own perspective on life, because theirs is so different.
  
• Be confident that *you* have something to contribute to a conversation, have something useful to say. This is easier if you are in the midst of doing things you love to do - see the first point about going to the sorts of panels that you're interested in.
  
• Compliment someone else's buttons/craftwork/clothing. Ask them where they got the item/how long they've been working on it/where they learned the craft.
  
• Wear a button that says "Talk to me - I'm new here!" or "Hi, I'm shy. Feel free to talk to me."
  
• If you're feeling really daring, you might even put a message up on the message board looking for dinner companions.

Try it - I know you're an intelligent, talented woman. All you need is a bit of practice. You'll do fine.

And, on a side note.... LJ's spelling suggestions for craftwork: craft work, craft-work, groundwork, gravedigger. Wow....

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