Elizabeth Franklin (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} dear_lizzy) wrote,@ 2006-02-21 19:30:00 |
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Lonely and Tired
Dear Lizzie,
There's a man I've met. I find him attractive and charming, and the feeling seems to be mutual. I won't call it love at first sight, but we definitely connected instantly. We live in different states, and see each other only infrequently at conventions. He would like to pursue a relationship with me, and I with him.
So, what's the problem? The woman he has been living with has recently developed some potentially devastating health issues. He has pretty much decided not to move out now, because he doesn't want to abandon her. I absolutely respect his decision, but I'm not happy. I know I'm not suited to the poly lifestyle and as much as I like him, I don't see the point in getting more involved now. I don't even feel as if I can just spend time with him -- the attraction is so powerful, I feel like my poor heart is at risk whenever he's near.
What to do? Or have I already answered my own question?
signed,
Lonesome
Dear Lonesome,
Yes, you've pretty much answered your own question. He's not ready to get involved in another relationship right now. You both may interested in a relationship at some point in the future - but don't let your future hang upon the chance of his life falling in line.
Keep in contact with him, but not physical contact, if it has the powerful and devestating effect that you say it does. Be friends, and see if you're actually compatible as well as hot for each other. In the meantime, keep looking. As strong as the attraction is, you may find someone with whom you share an even stronger attraction - but you won't notice it if you're determined to wait for this man indefinitely.
If, at some point in the future, life falls together in such a way that you can explore this relationship - great! If not - you won't have wasted your life waiting for something that may never happen. Also, you'll have more relationship experience to bring to the table to help you with any issues that may later arise between the two of you. (And there will *always* be issues).
Good luck!
Dear Lizzy
As a mother of an active but not-yet-mobile baby, I'm finding it very difficult to find time to exercise. I do walk with the baby in a carrier, but weather and scheduling are making that more difficult to fit into my day. Worse, when the baby is content to sit in his exersaucer and watch me exercise, I'm finding that aerobics and the like tire me out *much* faster than they used to, and I have difficulty keeping up with my videos. I know that I've gained weight and lost muscle mass. Help!
Flabby Mommy
Dear Mommy,
When my work schedule is too busy and/or I'm too tired to "really" exercise, I sneak in bits of exercise when I have a moment. In the restrooms I'll do maybe 10 leg lifts, or 10 squats, or at home I might do 10 reps of bicep curls with my weights, or 10 pushups. It takes less than a minute to do one small unit. It does bugger all for cardiovascular health, but it does help to retain/re-develop muscle tone. The gradually (and gently) improved muscle tone will also help you when you *do* start to do aerobics again, making you beat yourself up less for how hard it is.
That's an important point - do you best not to beat yourself up. Anyone who has slacked off on exercise for awhile will find exercise much harder than it was when they exercised regularly. Mothers who have had the strain of carrying a child for 9 months, gained weight, and are getting too little sleep because of the baby have many, many more reasons why exercise will be physically more difficult. Don't believe the weight you gained should make a big difference to your ability to exercise? Try carrying around a hand weight of the amount you gained. It can be stunning how much a relatively small amount of weight can tire one out. So - go easy on yourself. Don't think that means that you're excused from exercising, but allow yourself the grace of knowing that you *will* recover, and that it's perfectly fine for the exercise to be harder for you right now.
When doing the videos, push yourself to do the best you can - but when it becomes too much, don't stop the video. Just march in place, let your breathing steady itself, and reassure yourself that you *will* regain the toning and endurance necessary to complete the video. When your breathing is steady, continue with the video. Lather, rinse, repeat. Be well, and congratulations on motherhood!
Dear Lizzie,
There's a man I've met. I find him attractive and charming, and the feeling seems to be mutual. I won't call it love at first sight, but we definitely connected instantly. We live in different states, and see each other only infrequently at conventions. He would like to pursue a relationship with me, and I with him.
So, what's the problem? The woman he has been living with has recently developed some potentially devastating health issues. He has pretty much decided not to move out now, because he doesn't want to abandon her. I absolutely respect his decision, but I'm not happy. I know I'm not suited to the poly lifestyle and as much as I like him, I don't see the point in getting more involved now. I don't even feel as if I can just spend time with him -- the attraction is so powerful, I feel like my poor heart is at risk whenever he's near.
What to do? Or have I already answered my own question?
signed,
Lonesome
Dear Lonesome,
Yes, you've pretty much answered your own question. He's not ready to get involved in another relationship right now. You both may interested in a relationship at some point in the future - but don't let your future hang upon the chance of his life falling in line.
Keep in contact with him, but not physical contact, if it has the powerful and devestating effect that you say it does. Be friends, and see if you're actually compatible as well as hot for each other. In the meantime, keep looking. As strong as the attraction is, you may find someone with whom you share an even stronger attraction - but you won't notice it if you're determined to wait for this man indefinitely.
If, at some point in the future, life falls together in such a way that you can explore this relationship - great! If not - you won't have wasted your life waiting for something that may never happen. Also, you'll have more relationship experience to bring to the table to help you with any issues that may later arise between the two of you. (And there will *always* be issues).
Good luck!
Dear Lizzy
As a mother of an active but not-yet-mobile baby, I'm finding it very difficult to find time to exercise. I do walk with the baby in a carrier, but weather and scheduling are making that more difficult to fit into my day. Worse, when the baby is content to sit in his exersaucer and watch me exercise, I'm finding that aerobics and the like tire me out *much* faster than they used to, and I have difficulty keeping up with my videos. I know that I've gained weight and lost muscle mass. Help!
Flabby Mommy
Dear Mommy,
When my work schedule is too busy and/or I'm too tired to "really" exercise, I sneak in bits of exercise when I have a moment. In the restrooms I'll do maybe 10 leg lifts, or 10 squats, or at home I might do 10 reps of bicep curls with my weights, or 10 pushups. It takes less than a minute to do one small unit. It does bugger all for cardiovascular health, but it does help to retain/re-develop muscle tone. The gradually (and gently) improved muscle tone will also help you when you *do* start to do aerobics again, making you beat yourself up less for how hard it is.
That's an important point - do you best not to beat yourself up. Anyone who has slacked off on exercise for awhile will find exercise much harder than it was when they exercised regularly. Mothers who have had the strain of carrying a child for 9 months, gained weight, and are getting too little sleep because of the baby have many, many more reasons why exercise will be physically more difficult. Don't believe the weight you gained should make a big difference to your ability to exercise? Try carrying around a hand weight of the amount you gained. It can be stunning how much a relatively small amount of weight can tire one out. So - go easy on yourself. Don't think that means that you're excused from exercising, but allow yourself the grace of knowing that you *will* recover, and that it's perfectly fine for the exercise to be harder for you right now.
When doing the videos, push yourself to do the best you can - but when it becomes too much, don't stop the video. Just march in place, let your breathing steady itself, and reassure yourself that you *will* regain the toning and endurance necessary to complete the video. When your breathing is steady, continue with the video. Lather, rinse, repeat. Be well, and congratulations on motherhood!
