Requirements for a Good Long-Time Mate:
- Can talk to him as you would to your best friend – same topics that interest you
- Can relax with him
- Can be undignified in front of him
- Enjoy listening to him, and feel that he enjoys listening to you
- Are sexually compatible with him (more important than you might think. The rest are “more important”, but without this, it’s best to stay friends)
If you feel your SO is better than you – not better in a particular area, but just “better than” in a general sense – examine why. There are several reasons why this is important.
- Unequal relationships don’t work. Continuing to feel of lower worth will destroy your relationship, even if you stay together.
- The feeling of low self-worth will increase, not pass away.
- Your SO may be subtly encouraging this attitude – sometimes without consciously intending to – to make him/herself feel like a better person.
If you feel like you are better than your SO, examine your reasoning. “A marriage where either partner cannot love nor respect the other, that cannot be agreeable...to either party.”
If you’re having problems in bed, don’t assume that it’s your fault. It may be that you’re not experienced enough – but it may simply be that you and your partner have different sexual preferences. Find a new partner, quickly – or at least break off the old relationship. Feeling inadequate in bed will seriously affect your self esteem over time.
If you’re having problems in bed, don’t assume that the problem is physical, or even necessarily that the problem is really about sex.
Languishing and being miserable is not the way to win the type of man worth having. No matter how tempting it is to get someone else to run your life, you’ll soon discover either that your life doesn’t belong to you anymore, or that your SO can’t understand why you don’t take his advice every time he deigns to give it.
It is possible to love more than one man, because each man has different qualities to love.
Sometime what you think is love is merely the strength of your yearning to be loved.
Beware of men who treat you differently when you’re in company.
Self exploration is painful. Not performing self exploration causes long-term angst, depression, pain, upset, and failure to achieve some of one’s most cherished goals.
Question your beliefs. Frequently.
Differentiate between your instincts and your habitual behavior.
A person’s actual appearance, intellect, skills, abilities and talents have absolutely no relationship with her/his self-esteem.
Good self-esteem is fed by glimpsing yourself through the eyes of other people. Occasionally ask friends for reality checks – ask how they perceive you in terms of specific criteria.
Everyone has some facet of themselves that they feel others should revile. Realize that you’ve not alone in your fear that someone will “find out” what an awful person you are, and accept that lack of perfection is, as it happens, just fine.
No number of compliments will improve your self-esteem unless you allow yourself to believe them. In the end, you are the only person who can make you think well of yourself.
Self esteem is a learnable skill which must be practiced or it weakens with disuse.
Everyone feels paranoid and uncomfortable when they feel more exposed than they’re accustomed to.
Greatness is achieved by pursuing your interests to insane lengths.
Don’t let other people define what should be important to you.
Meeting People and Interacting with Others
When meeting a new person, they are probably as intimidated by you as you are of them.
It’s easiest to find people who will see the best in you by striving to see the best in other people.
The only way to grow comfortable in a situation is to expose yourself to it repeatedly, and to concentrate on finding at least one aspect of the experience that you enjoy.
What you imagine people to be thinking and what they actually are think are frequently entirely different things.
What is good for others may not be good for you, and vice versa.
You don’t have to be witty and entertaining – being friendly and willing to listen and encourage the other person to talk is sufficient to make a good impression. (Hopefully, they will be encouraging you to talk as well, by asking questions.)
To garner compliments, be gracious in accepting them. Simply say “thank you”. If you seem abashed or if you make a big deal out of the compliment, people will make a point of not upsetting you in the future.
Realize that a compliment, or someone being interested in you, in no way obligates you to return the admiration or interest.
People may feel threatened by your achievements – i.e., you being "better than" they are in some area. While you can acknowledge their discomfort, it is their problem to work through, not yours. Your duty is to enrich your own soul, not to limit yourself for someone else’s comfort.
Beware of men with bitchy wives.
If someone seems to agree with your bad opinion of yourself, cut off their pretense of friendship.