Sorry for the delay in posting - LJ went down sometime in the half hour between when I collected the letter and when I finished my answer. And on to the letter....
I love my man. Adore him. Spending the rest of my life with him.
But... his insecurity is driving me bonkers. In his 20s, he lived with a woman (for several years) who used him to get back at her not-quite-ex-husband, and my man didn't realize it until she kicked him out changed the locks. Now that he's in his 30s, he's wiser and more experienced in the wily ways of crazy women, but he's still scarred. This manifests as a constant need for attention so he can reassure himself that I'm not going to do what the other woman did.
I understand the cause, but the effect is feeling less like "are you sure you love me?" and more like "honey, look at this... honey, look at this... why aren't you looking?", especially when I'm in the middle of a complicated project. It can be like living with a five-year-old sometimes.
I'm sure the insecurity will lessen and/or disappear eventually, but in the meantime, how can I react to it without pushing him away?
( Work on your boundaries, and have him work on developing a sense of self-worthCollapse )
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