How to write a decent profile for a dating website
This was written specifically for OKCupid.com. Some references are made to OKCupid-specific features.

This is an article on what I think makes a good profile. I had been intending to write something of the sort, when someone on OKCupid actually asked me to review their profile and tell them why they weren’t getting as much response as they would like. Note that these suggestions are written almost exclusively with the assumption that you are using the site to look for someone to date. However, many of them apply for folks who are just looking for pen-pals.

In this article I will not tell you to spell correctly, use proper English, nor even to write in complete sentences. You’re trying to attract someone who will like you as you are; try to make the profile as real a reflection of who you are and what you’re looking for as possible.

The written profile:

• First off, fill out the profile. This is a matter of respect for the folks you’re hoping to attract. If it’s not worth your time to enter the information, it’s not worth other people’s time to contact you, or respond to your messages.
  
• Answer the Essential Facts questions, or at least many of them. This will either attract people looking for your attributes or weed out the ones who would have a problem with these basics. For example, if you say you don’t like kids, you probably won’t be bothered by someone who wishes to have children within the next five years.
  
• Don’t waste space ranting about encapsulating oneself in a box. The fact that what is written is not the sum total of you is a given. If you feel that way about others’ profiles, stop now, go outside, and meet people in real life. Really, people don’t expect to find your entire personality to be laid bare. What is more, they don’t *want* to know your entire personality and history all at once. This space is an introduction, nothing more. It takes the place of the initial introduction and the first “what are your interests”-type chat, in a form that actually allows you to tell the other person more about yourself than you’d have in a typical conversation, not less.
  
• Write something about the things that you love, the things that make your life worth living, and maybe a bit about why these things are important to you. Again, this will help to attract people who will be into *you* rather than people who will use you as a canvas on which they paint a picture of their own hopes and dreams.
  
• Don’t write a novel. This is an introduction. The reader should not have to page down more than once to read a single box. If you overwhelm them with information, they won’t know where to start in terms of making conversation, and they’ll just go away – possibly without emailing you first.
  
• Include your userID, if you want to allow Quickmatch folks to check you out.
  
• Show, don’t tell. “Laid-back,” “good sense of humor,” and “easy-going” are some of the most over-used terms, and they mean *NOTHING* without a demonstration of your brand of these attributes. For example, senses of humor vary widely, and what is a good sense of humor for one category of humor will go entirely unappreciated by someone with a different sense of what is funny. Instead, talk about yourself, your life, your interests in the way that you normally would. Allow your sense of humor to show by how you describe things. Allow your easy-going-ness to pervade your profile by the language that you use. People are pretty good at reading between the lines, if you give them lines between which to read.

Pictures:

One of my friends commented that she was pleasantly surprised, when meeting folks from another dating site, by how much better the men looked in person. She felt the guys would have gotten much better response had they posted more flattering pictures of themselves. Here are some basic ideas regarding what makes a good profile picture:

• First off, USE a picture. True or not, most people feel that they can decide whether someone is an axe murderer by looking at his face, especially at his eyes. Show your viewers that you don't look like an axe murderer.
  
• Use flattering pictures that show your face. Grainy pictures are almost never flattering.
  
• It helps if you show yourself in an environment that is characteristic of you. If you love nature, get a picture of you outdoors. If you love the indoors, let your indoor setting show something about why you love it. Bland backgrounds seem to me to indicate a pretty bland personality, unless the character shining from the face really stands out.
  
• Make sure the picture *is* flattering, and that the expression on your face in the picture is geared to appeal to the type of person you’re trying to attract. If you’re looking for someone who is open and friendly, an open and friendly smile wouldn’t hurt. If you’re trying to gain adoring masses, you can try the stern I’m-too-cool-for-this-place-but-I’m-here-anyway look. (This isn’t one that appeals to me, but hey – it must, to someone…) If you’re looking for a protector, look weak and helpless. If you’re looking for someone who doesn’t much care whom they date, then by all means put up a fuzzy picture of you wearing a blank, insipid expression.
  
• Don’t use pictures of yourself with someone of the opposite gender unless you clearly label it as, “This is me and my sister” or “Me and my thoroughly platonic friend,” etc. This is assuming that you are not 1) looking for friends only, and want to stress that you have an SO, or 2) You’re poly, and want to draw attention to this fact. From my own (monogamous) viewpoint, pictures with ex-SOs is a big turn-off. Can’t swear this is true for every woman.
  
• Clearly label pictures with multiple people so that the viewer knows which one is you. This is especially important for use in Quickmatch.
  
• For pity’s sake, have pictures of you taken by someone else. I frequently see pictures of people pointing the camera at the mirror – have these people no friends whom they can ask to do this service for them? A friendly neighbor? Some random passer-by?

*Unless you're gay. In this case, don't have a picture of yourself and someone of the same gender unless it's clearly labeled.

Hope this helps. Happy hunting!

Remember, if you like dear_lizzy, advertise it in your own journals. I do not friend anyone back, the list of folks who has friended me is hidden, and I do not read the journals of anyone else from this userID.

If you'd like to ask a question, just respond to the most recent entry - that would be the one at the top of the list. I'll get back to answering questions rather than writing articles one of these days, honest!

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